Your brother It's kidney failure, total They don't tell you about the blood About the blood and it's movement Dripping, pooling, spurting, Making lazy winding rivers down soft sagging flesh. The way it's paints like autumn Smudges and fingerprints of red to brown Some wiped away some clinging to the fibers Some lapped up without hurry by the dogs before you catch them The heavy iron of platelets permeate like machine ocean air Familiar rust but sugary and foreign It's clings inside the nostril, filling up to the cavity behind your eyes It's fills every breath, even out Waits level behind closed nostril It pushes against his joined arteries The swoosh pulse private made audible with your ear to his arm The way it hides deep inside the body Reducing it to a husk grey white, yellow just to build like a geyser Thrumming held at bay beneath thin skin That blood, some traveled out and back in again Scrubbed What a miracle You've only seen blood leave and stay gone where you left it How
A description an anxiety by NettaNanners, literature
Literature
A description an anxiety
I forget about you like snow A clean white coating And cold Underneath the quiet blanket it all remains Waiting I loved you, you a rose bush Called your- crystallized pain protruding into my skin, smearing blood and soothing your ache in it's fierce heat, Love And again, I start again I can't help cutting off pieces and giving them away Do you have a collection of me? I hope not. I can't stand to think, you think of me As trivial I picture you Pushing aside the chunks to clear way for your breakfast, making nice conversation having moved on from that part of your life I thought helping you would make you care about me more than in passing, like good luck from a grave I was wrong Falling in love requires a suspension of belief Fooling yourself That things will always work out But you still feel stupid and childish and mistaken
In a bathroom: is there time to take a shower? My hair is so greasy Other person: no. You don't look greasy. You always say you look greasy but you don't. Outside in a nice shirt: Now it looks intentional. I've made the bold fashion decision to be fucking sweaty.
Who was I? When I walked those empty streets? Long dark, forward and steady. How peaceful it felt To walk in the echoing shadows of lives. The way home more beautiful Highlighted in darkness
I open to you like as a full blossom by NettaNanners, literature
Literature
I open to you like as a full blossom
I open to you like as a full blossom More tender with you I am at once alien to observing eyes I once had a heart It stayed with him when he left Because I sent it off Everyone as a sponge Unconsciously filling rooms I fight for my space But I am tired Is this work ever done? No, again fighting again How terrible a world Where such wounds Come from ignorance alone Feminists don’t get to have feelings At once undermined and raised Beaten and checked for sound How beautiful and stoic and manly we suffer I am tired Dan Molter Being woman like an inviable illness Causing a fuss with all this commotion But expected to fight none the less Let me entertain that women are less Lets entertain that Lets entertain the way I can be laid down like fertilizer Growing such beautiful weeds How they love the face of each other Self congratulating on a bed of decay What could she have grown into do you think? What ways could her branches spread out? Bowed to be a ship or kindling What is to be
Suicidal thoughts like remembering you left the oven on
Like unfinished business
Grasping the door handle
I almost jump from a speeding car as if it is reflex
Deep tendon reaction
Like a sudden spasm
Like speaking a half formed question
My body speaks impulse
I look wide into rear view mirror
My own startled eyes
Nobody notices that I almost killed myself
I barely noticed that I almost killed myself
A whisper like waking up
Like knowing you just missed a turn
Like reaching for an itch
A phantom ringing
Almost like loneliness
Like picking up the phone to text an old lover
(And who has known me longer?
Than her? she grew me
Nurtured me from
Who would have thought that 50 years ago
when
Colorful violence spilled from brick
We would learn “that’s enough” and “I’m enough” are two sides of the same tongue
Our violence has always been that, that is grown
So surprised our defiance matches your disgust
Do you not see the dirt on your hands?
And here we are flowers that grow in the dark
And always find the sun
Graveyards?
We only have gardens
bury us and find
We have seeds in our bones
We are here
And we are here again
See?
Like magic
Call us weeds, we grow anyway
Give us a plague and we will weave into a quilt
Give us suffering and we will turn to
Waiting for your brother to die by NettaNanners, literature
Literature
Waiting for your brother to die
The time for grief will come
But it is not now
Do not miss their presence while they are still here
Have that radical faith
Of more and then more
Grief is greedy
Grief is tireless
It will not be lighter because you took it into your house to plea tameness
It will not be lighter because you took up it's hands
Drawing from an endless amount
Mass unchanged in spite of you
It is coming as the same
Do not give it familiar to greet and join
Much is to be had in the now
To remember in the later
Do not let griefs shadow
Distract from your eye
Love demands no less
To knock at his door, to speak his name is to invite him in
The time for grief will
My best parts are buried in me
Miles through scarred meat
A little girl
Alive with the heart of a ghost
Let her be
People think I like children
But they just make me nervous
Wanting them to grow outwards
as caterpillars do
I desperately try to give them what I could not give myself.
an endless green field
That doesn't feel like abandonment
an encouraging ear
a long nap
Where she doesn't awake cocooned
Just becomes and flies away
Little girls like butterflies
Good, I say